It's about my liking and sexual orientation. I am not sure if I am straight or bisexual. Here is my story.
My cousin brother used to live us since childhood. He is 5 years elder than me. Right from a very young age (6-7 years old), we used to play with our dicks together. He was elder so he knew stuff. Initially he used to hold mine and I used to hold his under sheets in bed. Later on he used to suck mine and me his. But at that age neither did I understand it nor did I enjoy. I don't remember if I enjoyed or not. Later on.....his dick grew and with years going by he also started rubbing his dick in my ass and used to try inserting it. I used to like only the feeling of rubbing it, but overall I did not enjoy it but used to do because he would also allow me to do the same. This went on till standard 11-12. Till that time we had sucked each other too some of the times.
Having all this going on, but I was never attracted to any guy in my right mind. Emotionally and romantic-ally my heart always searched for a girl. I fell in love in standard 9. Faced the heart break in 11th standard. It took me 4 years to get over her till my second year in college. Towards the end of third year in college, I started falling in love with another girl from my class. The heart break came in after the last year of college. I still haven't been able to get over her. Just last night again I was dreaming about her. Just like old days we were together and it is such a great feeling. Wish if I would forever be in that dream.
Sorry I diverted to different topic. So about me finding boys/men is that whenever I am horny, that is the time I think about dicks. I feel like wanting to suck a good and clean dick, sitting naked together watching porn, me holding someone else's dick and they holding mine, or rubbing our dicks together. Trying the 69 position, sucking and getting sucked. I enjoy gay porn too much but not the penetration part, I dislike that. But all this is there only till I am horny, once I am done ejaculating, I feel all this stuff useless and unenjoyable. Then I think only about girls, not boys, till the next time I am horny.
